POWAY – It's a time of frazzled nerves, stress and exasperation that every parent must go through: the dreaded “arsenic hour,” when a baby just won't stop wailing.
Typically occurring from mid-to late evening, it's as if a switch has been flipped, turning a placid infant into an implacable scream machine. If not approached with a plan of action and perspective, it can put an undue strain on a couple's relationship.
Courtesy photo
P.J. Charest (left) held his son Cameron as he shared advice with prospective fathers, including Ken Rundle (center) and Marcus Thorne, during a training class for new dads.
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That was one of the issues a group of eight North County men on the cusp of fatherhood were warned to expect by Chuck Flacks, who urged them not to engage in the blame game with their wives.
“It's OK to admit defeat,” said Flacks, who facilitates the course, “Basic Training for Dads-To-Be.” “It shouldn't be a point of conflict in your relationship.”
Offered through Palomar Pomerado Health, the three-hour session offers expectant fathers a forum to discuss parenting issues and to ask questions of new fathers in a comfortable environment. P.J. Charest held his 6-month-old son, Cameron, on his lap while fielding inquiries from the group. Topics ranged from circumcision, inoculation and Sudden Infant Death Syndrome to choosing a day-care service and helping a mother through postpartum depression.
Rancho Peñasquitos resident John Brady said he was pumped to make his first “baby burrito.” The centuries-old practice involves wrapping or swaddling a baby in a blanket to imitate the secure environment of the womb.
Flacks said studies have shown that fathers sometimes have more success calming a baby than a nursing mother, whose fluctuations in milk supply often parallel fluctuation's in a baby's temperament.
“I actually think men are better at quieting (an infant) than women are,” Flacks said, urging fathers not to be afraid of holding their babies. “You'll feel the satisfaction of being able to comfort your child in maybe a way your wife can't.”
To avoid stress and confrontation, Flacks said, the father and mother should establish verbal or nonverbal signals to let each other know when they require immediate relief from caring for the child.
Flacks urged the expectant fathers to take their newborn son or daughter to the park or on errands with them. Just as dogs are said to attract women, he said, a baby invites praise and positive affirmation for a father.
“You get the attention of being a comfortable dad out in the world with your child,” he said.
To manage the expected deluge of visitors and well-wishers while the mother is recovering, Flacks suggested that couples screen calls during the baby's first two weeks at home.
Charest advised the men to remain firm on visitors, at what time they visit, and when they desire time alone with their wife and child. He also urged fathers not to feel shy about politely asking visitors to hold the baby, help with the dishes or even do some grocery shopping.
“Be concrete in (your) decision that people aren't going to just come over and visit,” Charest said.
Flacks added, “It's perfectly reasonable to ask family members to participate in ways that they may not be expecting.”
The course for new fathers will be held again from 9:30 a.m. to noon Dec. 9 at the Women's Health Connection in Poway. The cost is $35.
For reservations or more information, call (800) 628-2880 or go to basictrainingfordads.com.
